Typical Night in the Household: A Play in One Act

[CURTAIN OPENS and we see MAMA on the couch holding BABY. Meanwhile, PAPA is just leaving.

PAPA: All right Mama, do you need anything before I go?

MAMA: No, I'm fine. Have a good class!

[CURTAIN CLOSES]

[A large CLOCK is brought before the curtain. Its minute hand points to 12 and its hour hand points to 6. The minute hand proceeds to make several rotations about the face until the hour hand points to 9, indicating that THREE HOURS have passed.]

[CURTAIN OPENS and we see PAPA arriving upon a scene of beatific idyll: MAMA sits comfortably in bed, propped up by a sea of inviting pillows, peacefully reading something on her iPad, BABY sleeping like an angel upon her busom.]

PAPA (his voice tinged with hope): So, it was a quiet evening?

MAMA: 5 minutes after you left, the baby forgot how to poop and began to fuss uncontrollably. He was inconsolable and began to scream. I fed him because I couldn't do anything else, and he ate even though he wasn't hungry. So he spit up, and he spit up so hard it went through his nose, where some of the milk got stuck, and then he couldn't breathe.

PAPA: Well, how long have you been like this? [gesturing at the current state of things]

MAMA: About 5 minutes.

PAPA (sighing): Another typical night in the household, then.

[CURTAIN CLOSES]