Anyone who has known me for a long time will tell you that one of the great failings of my character is my bias against cooperative board games. Fortunately, Baby Jack inherited his Papa's love for gaming without inheriting the accompanying prejudices, and he recently introduced me to a delightful little co-op gem called Don't Open the Onesie.
Like many of the world's great co-op games, this one features asymmetrical player roles. My role, as the fully developed human adult male, is to utterly fail to open a onesie, a garment designed for infants that is held together by three extremely easy to open metal snaps. Amateurs of the game will focus on utterly failing to open just one of the metal snaps, but with a little practice you will learn to fluidly transition from one snap to the second to the third and back around to the first, utterly failing to open any of them as your blood slowly congeals into a sticky ichor of boiling lava rage.
Jack's role, as the infant wearing the onesie, is to scream like a banshee during the entirety of play. Jack and I are both very good at this game.
One great thing about Don't Open the Onesie is that it takes upwards of only one minute to play, yet that minute, in relative time, feels like a hundred million years. Another virtue of this game is that it can be played anywhere at any time, though for best results I recommend trying it at 4 AM with a onesie that has just been pissed all over. To spice things up you can add a spectator, such as Mama, and invite her to make helpful comments, such as, "Why don't you just open it?", "Oh my god those are so easy to open," and "Do you want me to just open it?"
If you can't get enough of the game, Jack and I heartily recommend the expansion, Don't Close the Onesie.
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